apassingthought | There should be some meaning to my life

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There should be some meaning to my life

I won't be able to care for Mama when she grows older.

I never had anyone near me growing up. Papa was gone, Mama was busy, and I didn't make friends. When I thought I finally did, it was a lie and they weren't the friends I was looking for. When I finally found the ones who could be, I didn't realize it for a long time. Now that I finally see them, is it too late?

There are a lot of places I haven't seen, things I never experienced.

I wanted to be strong enough to fight with them to the end- as a fellow warrior.

But... somehow it feels good to rest right now.

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Whether I trust them or not, they're what's left on Earth.

...

[John remembers another person that was dying in his dreams. Even now, he fears it may be the only thing that may remain of her.]

Will I get to see you?

[If not alive... In those dreams.]

If you can hear my voice now, then, probably, we'll still meet this way.

[...]

No 'probably'.

[Someplace between hope, and denial.]

I will.

[The best she can do is that logical guess; she's still not good at simply taking it on faith, or hoping for it.]

You're saying you plan to wait for that day?

I sleep eight hours.

[Nightmares give him less. But they're still opportunities to see her.]

It's like living two lives already, isn't it? The hours we spend awake, and the ones where we have these dreams.

I've always lived more than one life at once.

It's all one life. What we had. What we want. What we do.

[What we fear.]

More than that... It's hard.

I've always kept them separate from each other. [Or tried to. It was a pretense, perhaps, thinking she could justify the one by calling it entirely separate from the other.]

I thought I could.

...

My mentor told me something once: A Spartan can't have his own baggage... His own weight. There's just no room. He already carries the weight of all of humanity on his back.

[Even after he had resigned himself for only one life... More than once, after the fall of his home, wondered if they were just words.

That's a load that never left me.]

I can't have two lives. But if at least one of them made you happy...

[Even if it could be a load bigger than anything he could ever imagine... Her career, or her family.]

It was worth it.

After Econtra, I never expected we'd meet again.

We found a way.

[Cortana did. And for that, he will be eternally grateful for both women. For her, and for Mercury.

In the way he responds, it's a way of saying there is always a way... And he hopes, that there should be.

Econtra was a place where the dead came back to life.]

[She's lived more than once in her world, too; but these circumstances are different, and she's the worst at assuming the best.]

If this is the end, if it's like this, I might not be angry.

...

I would.

[Right now, he remembers Galaxia being but a victim of Chaos, in spite of all the atrocities she sought to amend.

But even he wonders if he would let his own feelings interfere if he ever found Galaxia. Overwhelming, or peaceful.]

I'm angry at the cause. That will be avenged. However, being here like this might have good points.

[The link seems to tilt upwards in attention, curious by the statement. Mercury had died, her seed gone.

But she is still talking with him.]

Do you think I'm a coward and weakling for talking that way?

Never.

[Ami has never been weak.]

But the benefits...

[Gathering her power was her way of proving that.

It wasn't enough.]

It's nothing. Instead, I should have said I want to fight by their side. [This is true; it simply doesn't acknowledge the part of her that wants to lay down instead.]

...

They already knew.

[He knew it for long.

The peace that Ami had always wanted, it's something that had worried John over imagining living two lives. But rarely saw Ami yearn as much.]

I wonder about that. We didn't say those sorts of things to each other.

Doesn't mean they wouldn't know.

[...]

Spartans don't speak too much. But we know how we feel by our actions. What makes us happy. What depresses us. What frightens us.

Company speaks more than words sometimes.

[It's why we've been together.]

It wasn't that simple. There were a lot of things happening.

What do you mean?

[Why wouldn't it be? Even fighting by another one's side is a huge gesture.]

No; it's nothing. [Nothing, perhaps, that really matters now unless she can make them hear her voice.

She doesn't have much faith in that.]

More importantly, you still have chances in your own world. You should consider those first.

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one_one_se7en - 2012-06-04 19:54 (UTC) - Expand

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waterfell - 2012-06-04 23:10 (UTC) - Expand

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