There should be some meaning to my life

[waterfell]

I won't be able to care for Mama when she grows older.

I never had anyone near me growing up. Papa was gone, Mama was busy, and I didn't make friends. When I thought I finally did, it was a lie and they weren't the friends I was looking for. When I finally found the ones who could be, I didn't realize it for a long time. Now that I finally see them, is it too late?

There are a lot of places I haven't seen, things I never experienced.

I wanted to be strong enough to fight with them to the end- as a fellow warrior.

But... somehow it feels good to rest right now.

Comments

[waterfell]

Anything to put off your homework?

[secret_of_the_moon]

I already did my homework, thank you very much.

[waterfell]

Maybe now I should be impressed and say you've grown.

[secret_of_the_moon]

It doesn't sound as if you're really impressed though.

[waterfell]

I don't have confidence in your self-discipline.

[secret_of_the_moon]

What if you discipline me?

[... Yes, that sounded as flirtatious as it seems.]

[waterfell]

I'm not interested in that.

[It'd be more accurate to say she's afraid of the feelings any romantic relationship, with anyone, would bring up; but of course she doesn't say that.]

[secret_of_the_moon]

Aww, well if you change your mind... I wouldn't mind at all being disciplined by Ami-chan ♥.

[Floating heart included, yep.]

[waterfell]

Get serious instead of this ridiculousness. [This is his way of taunting her for her current fate, she presumes.]

[secret_of_the_moon]

I'm being serious. So what if you're from another world and we only meet in dreams? I like Ami-chan.

[Yeah, there's also the dead bit but if she's still here then it may not be that bad.]

[waterfell]

I may not be after your life, but don't pretend to be so close to me. I still don't like it.

[secret_of_the_moon]

I can like you if I want. It doesn't mean we are close or anything.

[waterfell]

So long as you understand it.

Unreturned feelings.

[secret_of_the_moon]

I'm fine with that.

[waterfell]

Don't you find them painful - if they're there?

[secret_of_the_moon]

They are lonely. And they hurt. But you get used to them. The feeling of not being looked at for what you are, the feeling of having others just interested in you to get something from you, the feeling that no one really cares about how you feel, just about what they want. To like someone who hates me isn't going to kill me.

[waterfell]

[It's inconceivable that the one who always had so many people ever had those feelings.

And it's worse, because it takes over her, claims to understand her, claims to be her - and more than her all over again.]

'If your feelings disappear, they were never strong to begin with.' Don't you think so?

[secret_of_the_moon]

I'm not going to disappear. I'm not going to change who I am just because others think it's not right. Even if it's lonely.

Even if it means I can only have friends for a short while until they realize it and leave.

[waterfell]

If you're looking for pity, I don't have any to give you.

[Not after everything that's happened. Not now. Not here. And certainly not when it's almost offensive it's such a reverse. It takes away the cold pleasure she'd taken in reversing their situations back in her world, those years ago.]

[secret_of_the_moon]

You're the one who asked. If you don't like the answers then don't bother asking.

[He can't help to be harsh and annoyed with his words. It was her who asked, it was her who brought it up first and now she's the one acting as if the one asking for pity was him.]

[waterfell]

If you can't stand someone who doesn't fall into your traps, you can go.

[secret_of_the_moon]

I can say the same to you. You're the one who brought that up.

Were you expecting me to say that I was forever happy and had tons of friends and didn't know what was to be rejected by everyone who yet claims to love you? Is that what you're used to? So you can hate them based on that or reject them yourself because they are the kind of people who can't understand what you're saying?

I'm sorry, but I've no interested in meeting that type of expectations.

[waterfell]

Always, always, she had a thousand people near her. And always, always, she never saw them.

[Never saw her.]

[secret_of_the_moon]

Sounds lucky. And stupid.

[Stupid on her part for not seeing them. Then again Tsukuyomi doesn't know if what Ami says is true or not. He has dealt with her enough to know that she's terribly biased by her own opinions. It's something both admirable and annoying. On the other hand it doesn't really matter, he knows who he is, he knows how he is and the life he has. She can claim that the Usagi she knew had thousands of people, it's not going to make him have even a single person besides him the way he wants them to be.]

[waterfell]

[It's a blindness Mercury can share at times, though she's slowly come to acknowledge the people who've been there for her, especially the shitennou, and some of the people in her dreams.

She just has trouble trusting it.]

She was both of those.

Because she only ever saw one person, she destroyed the planet, and her own kingdom as well. For that, she was killed before it would repeat.