apassingthought | There should be some meaning to my life

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There should be some meaning to my life

I won't be able to care for Mama when she grows older.

I never had anyone near me growing up. Papa was gone, Mama was busy, and I didn't make friends. When I thought I finally did, it was a lie and they weren't the friends I was looking for. When I finally found the ones who could be, I didn't realize it for a long time. Now that I finally see them, is it too late?

There are a lot of places I haven't seen, things I never experienced.

I wanted to be strong enough to fight with them to the end- as a fellow warrior.

But... somehow it feels good to rest right now.

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Like the Starlights. I'm sure of it.

Why didn't I realize it before?

... I don't know who the Starlights are.

[And he may be Sailor Moon but that's not all he is. It's not even his real self.]

Why does it matter? That name has no meaning for me, why should it have a meaning for you when you're with me?

[It's the same answer, but it comes without so much of the anger.]

I spent so long fighting her back then.

That was her. I am Tsukuyomi. I am a boy.

[Whatever happened between them, has nothing to do with him. He was Sailor Moon once, but he won't be her ever again. Nor her, not anyone else but who he is.]

Are you that different from her?

I would like to think so. No guy likes to be told that he's no different from a girl. Even if in some other world it was her who lived and not him.

I don't care whether it's a man or a woman. It's that existence I fought.

So what? Are you saying you are going to fight me just because of that? Without caring about who I am?

[There's a pause, his next words sound a bit rash almost angry. Even if she's not saying that he's a girl, it still feels as if she's denying his existence. Just because of Sailor Moon.]

You once got very angry with me because I made the mistake to think that just because you're Ami Mizuno you were like the Ami Mizuno I knew. But now you're insisting in doing the same, just because of something you have felt now.

I don't care what you have felt, or how you know. I don't care what I was supposed to be in your opinion or in anyone others' opinion. I am Tsukuyomi. I am a male student from Juuban Junior High School and I'm not a senshi. I fight youma with my own hands and strength, I don't transform and I don't have magical powers that fill the place with sparks and rainbows. And I don't fight for love and justice or whatever senshi fight for, I fight because I don't like to be helpless while something tries to kill me and the place I live in.

If you want me to see you for who you are, independent from any other world, then at the very least do the same with me and look at me for who I am.

Right now, my battles are over.

However, don't hide things from me again.

It wasn't my intention to hide anything. It has no meaning for me. I didn't think it should have any meaning for you either when talking to me.

I'm sure there are many things you haven't told me nor will you ever tell me. Everyone has secrets and things they wish they could erase from themselves. Not sharing those things doesn't make them bad people or people who aim to deceive.

You want to erase Sailor Moon?

Yes.

[It's a simple answer, but it's the truth. His tone is laced with regret and despise over the situation.]

Her existence isn't needed anyway. Even if I don't transform into Sailor Moon I can still fight and the girls are strong enough by themselves, there's no need for an extra senshi.

Sailor Moon was always at the center of the sailor senshi. Why are you saying you'd refuse that?

Because she's not needed. And I doubt she's any good either.

The girls are fine without Sailor Moon, they don't need her. I don't need her.

What made you come to this... realization?

I don't know.

I just know that when Usagi died part of me felt relieved even if I missed her, as if things would be fine even if she didn't exist anymore. But when that cat came to me with lies and tricked me it was as if nothing had changed despite of it. As if things still weren't fine.

I didn't want Luna to die... But I don't feel sad about it, she lied. Both of them do nothing but lie to us.

What do you know about being deceived?

Maybe nothing.

But it doesn't take a genius to see when something isn't the way you were told it would be. Luna only wanted me to be Sailor Moon, nothing else, she cared nothing about who I was. She only revealed that my friend was in danger when she saw I wouldn't give in otherwise and even then she kept things quiet.

Just like that other cat is doing. I don't know what it is but I don't trust it. Besides he only knows how to talk about the princess as if she's some kind of messiah or world savior.

[His tone indicates that Tsukuyomi holds a very different opinion about the princess, even if he doesn't know who it is.]

You aren't someone who should talk about being deceived that way.

Just because I didn't tell you that once I was a senshi? I've told you, I didn't do it with the intention of hiding it, it just has no meaning. It was a mistake that hasn't happened again nor will happen ever again.

You said you may be Ami Mizuno, but that you weren't the Ami I knew and that I shouldn't put you two together. I may have been Sailor Moon, but I'm not Usagi Tsukino. And you should keep that in mind just as I keep in mind that you're not the Ami I can see everyday. If you're going to insist on it not being any different...

Then I won't acknowledge anything else you say about that matter. Because I'm not going to play that game. I want to be your friend, not because I'm friends with the Ami I've known for a long time, nor because I was a senshi, but because I like you.

...

A different incarnation?

I remember her. From the start. I remember her lying from the start.

I don't know. Usagi Tsukino was my little twin sister, but she died years ago. One day she was the and the next she wasn't. I have seen her in dreams lately, the Usagi from another world where I didn't exist. I don't understand it, nor why Luna came to me if Sailor Moon was supposed to be my sister, but I'm not her. I'll never be her.

I'm just... Tsukuyomi Tsukino. No one else.

No. I'm sure of it. You have the aura of Sailor Moon.

I don't transform in Sailor Moon.

[Just once and Sailor Moon is just a mistake, not some sort of entity that rules his life.]

What made you decide that?

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and the story gets more and more confusing XD

lies

truths

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